Arrgh! New York City

Longtime readers know my disdain for New York City. Nice place to visit for an hour, or so, but get me outta there. New York City does have one thing going for it – Broadway. Every year, or two, Wife Patti drags me to the Big Apple to see the best of the season’s hits.

I must admit we have seen all of the best shows over the decades, but it comes at a price and I am not necessarily referring to the monetary cost, although I will address that later.

We arrived Saturday just after noon. The hotel we chose, the Millennium, has hosted us in the past. I wanted a room in the “Premium” tower to get away from the rift-raft. It costs more, but suits my elegant lifestyle just fine.

Unfortunately, they said all the rooms in the “Premium” were booked up, but since we arrived hours before check-in time, they had a “nice” room ready for us along with the commoners.

Begrudgingly, I agreed, snapped up the key cards and headed towards the very public, wait-a-long-time elevators. Once up to our room, I inserted the room card and entered first. Much to my surprise, I encountered a very naked yucky couple in bed, beer cans and garbage strewn about. I immediately pushed Wife Patti back through the door and made a hasty retreat. Not sure if the thoroughly engaged couple even realized the intrusion.

Back to the very public elevator, back to the front desk, they saw me coming. “Uh, yes, room 5018, we’re sorry about that. Once you left we realized the room hadn’t been cleaned yet,” murmured the clerk. “Hadn’t been cleaned yet! I just got treated to an x-rated Broadway show,” I clamored, revealing what I had just encountered. “There is no way that room could ever be cleaned for human occupation,” I stated.

Believe it, or not, a room became immediately available in the “Premium” tower, with private key-activated room and elevator cards, continental breakfasts and evening drinks all thrown in.

Okay, now for some of the better parts of the trip. The first night we saw “Once” a great musical that won most of the Tony Awards this season. We had some terrific dinners and lunches and free breakfasts. I really wasn’t that hungry for breakfast, but after what I had encountered the day before, I ate and ate and ate.

The next day we went to see The “Best Man” by Gore Vidal. The play stunk, but we sat in the 4th row and got to see some good, very well-known (John Larroquette) actors and a few hacks thrown in.

The other thing I do like about NYC is people watching. We pros to the City can immediately spot first time tourists, cameras snapping at every tall building and site. I particularly enjoyed the street corner dress-up characters such as fuzzy Sesame Street and Disney figures in very hot (and I do mean hot in 89º sunny days) sweating till they drop suits. The costumed people make a living (?) trying to get people to fork over $10 to have a picture taken with them.

I also enjoyed ducking out before the big parade down Sixth Avenue. I asked one of the resting cops what the parade was for. “It’s for Dominican Days. Everybody gets a day,” she said sweating. I was surprised to learn there are about as many Dominicans in New York City as in the actual country.

Monday morning could not come fast enough. “Never again,” I spouted. Wife Patti is already planning next season.

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